推荐回答(2个)
理解您的感受,因为我也有接触过很多内向害羞的孩子,看着他们不能融入活动,展现自己,确实挺着急的。不过,这个问题是可以解决的!我们需要先来分析孩子性格内向、胆小产生的可能原因。您可以对照孩子的具体情况,获取相应的解决办法:
1、孩子被保护的太好:有没有隔代抚养的情况?祖父母/外祖父母参与孩子的抚养,宠爱,无条件满足,经常顺着孩子的意思来,有的父母也会过于溺爱孩子。(因为所谓的“隔代亲”,老人亦希望家庭氛围和睦融洽,不喜欢孩子哭闹,所以无意之中以满足孩子要求为主,而避免使孩子被拒绝,或以满足其要求包括不合理要求避免孩子哭闹)这都会导致孩子在面对家庭以外的情境时(难免遭遇挫折,被其他小朋友拒绝、抢玩具、发生争执、所玩耍的内容并不完全符合孩子心意等),挫折感受强烈,所以尽力避免挫折及不愉快的体验,从而避免接触这样的环境,表现出逃避;所以,改善家庭养育状况是当务之急;
2、是不是其他家庭成员相对内向?我们说,孩子最擅长的是观察学习与模仿学习,如果她发现爸爸妈妈在这样的情境下比她“站得还靠后”,孩子自然不敢上前去跟小伙伴自然交流。包括您提到的遇到熟人不打招呼的问题,有的家长都不能十分自然大方的跟认识的人问候、交流,甚至有的家长会有这样的习惯,拿孩子当更自然的“社交工具”——比如,遇到认识的人,先说的是“来,跟叔叔问好”、“跟爷爷打声招呼啊”,要是没能为孩子做出很好的榜样的话,孩子会在心里有问号“你还没说呢,凭什么我说?”还有,在外面玩儿的情境,当孩子羞于或不敢上前参与活动的时候,我会先上前跟正在玩儿的孩子交流,比如问,“你们在玩儿什么呢?好好玩儿的样子”、“我从没见过这么好玩的游戏,能教教我吗?”我带领的孩子通常也能被吸引过来,我可以趁此机会教他/她一些技巧,这个时候孩子的社会性发展学习,是最有效的;
3、孩子缺乏人际交往的方法:在这种情境下,孩子感到迷茫,为什么他们都能在一起玩儿?我要怎样去跟大家一起玩儿?我怎样才能被接纳?您不妨教给孩子一些技巧:比如,如何先观察,了解其他孩子玩儿的内容;再赞扬他们玩儿的内容(积极地评价会让对方感到你对他感兴趣,会更容易接纳你);同时可以进行一些观察与模仿,还有直接、礼貌地提出请求的技巧。还可以使用上面(2、)中谈到的方式;
4、您对孩子的消极评价≈孩子对自己的消极认识:您会不会无意之中有这样的表达——这么害羞,太内向了,真是不大方,好胆小啊!诸如此类等等。不要认为孩子不明白您在说什么,其实发展中的孩子非常敏感于大人的评价。您的评价,差不多可以等于她对自己的消极认识,所以,赶快丢掉这些消极的评价和评论,换成鼓励与指导——“我们可以一起去看看,你会受到其他小朋友的欢迎的!”、“你也想玩儿对不对,其实你也能跟他们一样玩儿的很开心的!”、“你会跟他们打招呼并问问他们要不要你参加的对不对?我想他们是很乐意的!”……
祝您的孩子更大方、快乐!
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