托福独立写作-求批改

2025-01-24 08:48:41

推荐回答（1个）

回答1：

结构设计的很好，三个理由有论证有力。语言上注意三点，1. 冠词，2. 时态，特别是过去时，3. 语言尽可能简洁，不罗嗦。具体建议如下：

At some point in life, people are always in need of 【a】journey to release themselves from stress of work and daily life. However, the form of 【a】journey has long been of controversy. Some believe that a wonderful trip relies on a tour guide. I, on the contrary, suppose that traveling on 【one’s】 own is 【better 两者对比，比较级就可以】.

To begin with, traveling on one’s own allow【s】 us to select the most beautiful scenery to visit. The primary goal of our journey is to spot the most spectacular place to visit, so it is imperative that we can choose the sites 【freely 删掉，或者放到 choose 前】 which may be neglected by the tour guide. Taking myself as an example, when I was in 【a】summer vacation in high school, I traveled to Shanghai with my friends. 【At 改为 on】 the first day, we hired a tour guide to take us to some famous native spots, 【nevertheless, 重启一段】 it turned out to be mundane for countless tourists【表意不明，可以试着换成两句】. Fortunately, following the advice of the native, we eventually 【find 过去时】 a gorgeous place 【 which is obscure 有点啰嗦，而且 obscure 用来形容 place 说不通】 and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly there.

Additionally, without a tour guide, it is possible to cut down the unnecessary expenditures. Hiring a tour guide usually ranks a fair proportion of the cost of the trip. 【Imaging that we save the money, we can spend it 过于啰嗦，建议改为 The saved money can be spent】on improving the quality of the journey, 【for example 重起一句】, living in a superior hotel, renting advanced cars and so forth. Therefore, it is no surprise that why so many people choose to travel by themselves.

Aside from wide range of scenery options and cost saving, another notable benefit of traveling without a tour guide is it equip【s】 us the ability to gather the historic and geological information of some particular figures or places. It provide us with the unique 【opportunities 建议用单数】 to back through history and figure out the events. A tour guide is likely to telling you some cliché which is dull and repeated, but you may have your original idea 【supposed 这个词的懂法在此没有看懂，是否改为 if 更好些？】 you are really drenched in the specific atmosphere in the place which has 【a】long history.

To sum up, I strongly recommend 【that traveling 改为 to travel 】without a tour guide because it can offer you 【more 用比较级可以突出自助游优势】adequate selections, 【more】economical trips and ideally special perspectives upon history. So, next time, why not try to take a journey without the help of a tour guide?

最新问答

如图是某同学家中的电能表，现用它测量一只灯泡的实际功率．他关掉其他电器只让该灯泡工作，电能表转盘转

怎么取消4g流量卡50元包2g？

请大家帮忙想一些正在写的玄幻小说的人物名字，要自创！！【看补充】