鉴于文章太长,评论的句子我就不写了,修改都在文章里面用大写字母标出。有一些起码的语法错误,例如help...do...,这里do前面没有to; 没有there have这种句型以及单词拼写错误等等。有些词用的不妥当,有些词用错了。但是这篇文章整体结构正确,论据也很有道理。
题目:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Currently, a controversial issue over whether technology has made children less creative has been brought into THE spotlight. Everybody has his own answers. Some advocates hold that highly advanced technology is essentially helpful to arousing the curiosity WITHIN children while opponents cast doubt on it. In my viewpoint, the development of technology absolutely has made children more creative. AND IT IS based on three reasons.
First and foremost, technology has helped people EARN more money and HAVE A easier life, so that children ARE ENABLED TO spend more time ON THINKING AND CREATING NEW IDEAS CONSTANTLY. For example, when my father was young, he had to work with my grandfather all day to SUPPORT the whole family. Obviously, there was no choice for him to go to school and learn more knowledge necessary for CREATING THINGS. ON THE CONTRARY, children TODAY apparently have enough time TO SPARE. In this sense, THE ADVANCING in technology can assist children IN becomING more creative.
SECOND, technology developmentS help children ACQUIRE information MORE conveniently VIA THE MEANS OF internet and new IT devices. A survey was conducted by sociologists from Reuters last year aiming to find out ABOUT THE POPULARITY OF computers. The data COLLECTED from THE interviews and questionnaires suggests that more than 70% OF families have their own computerS, and 35% have got two or more OF THEM. The RESULTS SHOW that more and more people ARE startTING to use new technologIES to GAIN information, which IN TURN help children obtain A BROADER span of knowledge easily TO MAKE THEM MORE creative.
Finally, the development of technology has equipped our children with more healthY AND MORE ROBUST bodies and brains. WhenEVER they get sick, they can just go to the hospitals and get effective MEDICINES OR OPERATIONS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Their brains can work EFFICIENTLY NOW because the effective nutrition supplIES MAKE their mind more active.
Take account of all the factors discussed above. I TEND to believe technology has made children more creative, DESPITE TE FACT THAT there might BE SOME minor side EFFECTS. I think my conclusion is based on a careful ANALYSIS of children’s life qualities,information channels and physical health. Believe it or not, it's highly possible that children will be more creative than us in the future.
没工夫详细看,半分钟大概看了一眼。真要是仔细批改的话,你悬赏500分都不够……
你的模板痕迹太重,就算你实在非要用模板,换个有点新意的,或者找辅导老师专门给你一个…… 刚一看你第一句has been brought into a spotlight,我就呵呵了
第三自然段用on the other hand开头是不对的,不知道谁教你用这个逻辑连接词。在书面英语里,on one hand和on the other hand连用,表示的是相对立的两个方面。on the other hand和but是一个性质的!不能用来引起并列性内容。
具体的句子里小语法错误有很多,注意托福写作里面,最先做到的应该是文字的简洁、清晰、正确,在做到此基础上之后再去想写一些复杂的句子。