英文自我介绍修改——在线苦等~

I am honored to introduce myself. My name is Zhilong Weng.
姓和名之间有空格。

I was born in the city of Fuzhou in Fujian province. I graduated from Lanzhou University in 2005. My major was material chemistry.
主修这里用过去时，因为是5年前了。

Being a fresh graduate, I got my first job as a sintering technician in a magnetic material company in Sichuan province. I joined a new partnership in Xiamen, after two years, as a developer to help the factory launch its production.
这里不知道你是不是要表示帮助新工厂启动生产，如果是的话，我这样写比较好。。。

还有，求职信尽量少用“离开旧工作”之类的字眼，会让面试的人自然联想到你过不了多久就想走。。。所以，之前一句，也换了种说法。

My company produces alumina ceramic membrane. At first there was no technology manager in the company. I knew this is what I want and I knew it is only possible if I could make a major contribution. (我知道这是我想要的，我也知道要达成一定要做出一番大事)In March 2009, I found little progress has been made in an important project of alumina coating recipe. I persuaded president to let me manage the project. I reassigned the job and brought this project off well. As a recognition, I was promoted to technical director in April 2009.

I knew Almatis in this project and I became interested in Almatis. Alumina membrane is only a small part of the field of alumina ceramic. In order to seek for outstanding alumina supplier, I learned which fields high purity alumina could be applied to. Almatis is the world's leading company in producing tabular alumina and other high-quality alumina. I believe Almatis will do great in Chinese market. And I believe that my experience and skills in the field of alumina ceramic can make a huge contribution to the development of Almatis in China. （这一段我改得多了点，主要是句式上面更通顺一点。。。也强调自己对这个公司存有的价值。。。不过你原来写的那句Almatis can benefit from my...就显得嚣张了点。。。我帮你该得稍微缓和了点）

Finally, my hobbies are swimming and jogging and I think Qingdao is the perfect place for me to work and to live.
（这一段去掉了pretty girls， sorry．．．）

帮你修改了一下。。。一些词的用法，一些句子的用法，还有一些语气上的注意。。。你看看吧。。。

个人拙见，我认为自我介绍应该轻松点，简单点，但是显然你的自我介绍有点太

专业化了。你主要突出你的专业以及工作经历，但是没有涉及一些如个人的兴趣

爱好、性格优点、技能特长等，我认为你这样说完，听众可能听不懂。关于文章

我不能完全看懂，因为比较专业。我认为写得不错。应该改进的就是分段落讲，

每一段有一个重点。再有像1楼所说的，我也没见过那样结尾的，在开头可以

用，也就是表现自己的性格。

以上只是个人看法。

我用-〉表示我想置换前面的词或句子之后的表达法：
I am honored to introduce myself. -> It's my great honor to have this opportunity to introduce myself.
My name is ZhilongWeng. I was born in the city of Fuzhou in Fujian province. I graduated from Lanzhou University in 2005. My major is material chemistry. Fresh out of college,->更沉稳的说法：After graduation, I got my first job as a sintering technician in a magnetic material company in Sichuan province.
After two years of this work,-> Having done this job for two years, I left Sichuan to Xiamen-> for Xiamen and work->worked for a new partnership （加入） company as a developer to help factory entered production（？意思不明）. My company （The company I work for)produces alumina ceramic membrane. At first there was no technology manager in my company. I wanted to get the position for more challenges,-> I thought I was ready to take more challenges,
so I learnt how to persuade the president of company by professional view (意思不明）-〉so I tried to persuade the president of the company with my professional view (我猜你是这个意思）.
In March 2009, I found little progress has-〉had been made in->with an important project of alumina coating recipe. I persuaded -〉convinced the president to let me manage the project. I reassigned the job (意指 reassign job responsibilities?) and brought this project off well. Then -> Due to my performance with this project, I was promoted to technical director in April 2009.
I knew -> got to know about Almatis in this project and I became interested in Almatis. Alumina membrane is only a small part of (the field of) alumina ceramic. In order to seeking -> find/secure outstanding alumina supplier->suppliers, I learned to know high purity alumina could be applied to which fields.-> I learnt which fields alumina of high purity can be applied to. Almatis is the world leader in tabular alumina and other high-quality alumina. I think Almatis could->can and will do a better performance-> will have great performance in Chinese market. And I believe almatis could benefit from my experience and skills in the field of alumina ceramic.-> Also I believe my experience and expertise in the field of alumina ceramic can contribute to Almatis (是公司名字?）

Finally, I like to swim and walk in spare time. So I think Qingdao is a good city. Sunshine, beach, pretty girls, it is wonderful.
-> A little more about myself, I like swimming and enjoy walking around in beautiful cities. I think Qingdao is a great city to live in. Sunshine, beach, pretty girls, life in Qingdao should be wonderful.

Hi, it's very nice, and 毅行者毅 made a great improvement.
Also, personally I would like to take off the last paragraph.

it is my honor to introduce myslef. My name is ZhilongWeng. I was born in the city of Fuzhou in Fujian province. I graduated from Lanzhou University in 2005. My major is material chemistry. Fresh out of college, I obtained my first job as a sintering technician in (company name) in Sichuan province. After two years I left (COMPANY NAME) to Xiamen and worked for a new partnership as a developer to help factory entered production. My company produces alumina ceramic membrane. At first there was no technology manager in my company. I wanted to obtain the position for bigger challenges, I persuaded the president of company by professional view. In March 2009, I found little progress has been made in an important project of alumina coating recipe. I persuaded president to give me authurization in managing the project. I reassigned the job and brought this project off well. After that I was promoted to technical director in April 2009. I knew Almatis in this project and I became interested in Almatis. Alumina membrane is only a small part of the field of alumina ceramic. In order to seeking outstanding alumina supplier, I learned to know high purity alumina could be applied to which fields. Almatis is the world leader in tabular alumina and other high-quality alumina. I think Almatis could and will do a better performance in Chinese market. And I believe almatis could benefit from my experience and skills in the field of alumina ceramic.(
Finally, I like to swim and walk in spare time. So I think Qingdao is a good city. Sunshine, beach, pretty girls, it is wonderful.) 删除最后这段

不知你的自我介绍是口述还是书面，总之我重写了：

Thank you for having me. Let me introduce myself. My name is Zhilong Weng.

I grew up in FuZhou, the capital city of Fujian province and graduated from Lanzhou University in 2005 major in material chemistry. After graduation I worked as a sintering technician in (最好把公司名字写出) for 2 years. Then I joined (a new partnership, 最好把公司名字写出) which produces alumina ceramic membrane. I started out as a developer then moved up to manage the alumina coating recipe project. Because of the outstanding performance, I was promoted to the technical director in April 2009. My professional goals have extended beyond alumina membrane which is a small part of the alumina ceramic field. I believe my experience and skills can benefit Almatis tremendously at the same Almatis has the areas for my career growth.

After work, I like to swim and walk. I think I can get used to walking on the beautiful beach in Qingdao.