推荐回答(1个)
爱情可以很美,美到让我们盲目地放下一切去追求、占有、死守和伤害,可我们都无法从爱情的现实中得到终极的平静和快乐,只能换来关系的负担、感情的执着。
恋爱让我们看清自己的盲目和软弱,让我们找对点子,找到脱胎换骨的起点。每个人都有盲点,自我执着,很难靠自己突破和蜕变。在这个意义上,一个人自爱好,两个人相爱更好。
我们虽然无法管理好爱情关系中发生的所有,但成熟的爱情,起码是各自对自己的一切情绪反应负责任,先管好自己,再张看别人。这样的人,有资格去爱,有希望成长。
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有时候我就在想,我们明明知道爱情它并不完美,但是为什么我们就是要需要爱情呢?
我们需要爱情,因为它让我们认真地活过,在爱中认识自己,了解生命,迈向更大的爱。活着需要很大的力量,爱是最大的能量。我关心的不是如何处理好爱情,甚至不是爱的本身,而是要揭示爱情的终极功能,以此回应一个最根本的存在问题:人为什么要活着?
活着到底为什么?我们都害怕孤独,希望得到幸福,希望有个很爱自己、自己很爱的人在身边,陪伴终老。爱情为生命提供了偌大的信念和希望,但不完美的爱情本质告诉我们,单是爱情并不足够,活着是为更大的爱。我们必须投向更大的爱,才能看清爱的全部,抓紧当下最大的幸福。
人需要恋爱,大抵为满足三种欲望或需要:一是有需要付出爱,跟别人分享;二是自我了解和修行;三是逃避长大,借别人承担自己的生命。
所以,爱是感恩的礼物,借伴侣反照自己。另一半的神话是假的,我们的不完整不是因为失落了另一半,而是自我分裂、不懂自爱的结果。人最大的心病不是被否定或离弃,而是自我否定,从没接受过自己,以至我们需要找个人去爱自己,于是,恋爱变成不爱自己的替身。你说荒谬不荒谬?
一个人自爱很好,两个人相爱同样好,无须执着,看你修行到哪个层次。你可以说,两个人走在一起,是好是坏也是命中注定的业障(karma),其实更多的是你选择的结果。
爱这个字太容易说出口,要转化为感染力,打开心胸的能量,却需要很多世的道行和修行。我只是个慢慢学习付出的过客,与其害怕能量不够,不如坚定信念,让自己越爱越坚强,越是付出越强壮。这样跌跌撞撞,非常孤独地走了很多个年头,然后,当我的爱走到某一个驿站,在那个孤身走黑路归家的晚上,突然心中闪过一刹纯粹的灵光:爱到终极的感觉到底是怎样的呢?
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两个人走在一起,实在太不可思议。说不可思议是技术性的,因为沟通和适应很费神,甚至在一定程度上很勉强。我们对感情爱恨不明所以,没有一个人能完全掌握感情、情绪、爱欲、关系之间峰回路转的轨迹,却一头栽进去,因为需要,因为不用理由,死而后已。我们对执着实在太迷恋了,迷恋到爱它比爱其他一切更重要。所以,我们无法好好爱一个人,包括爱我们自己。
爱是宇宙性的能量感应,纤细到我们无法全然承担,无法看透,却享受着,需要它的能量强壮自己。爱不是目的,而是优化生命的过程,所以,我们都需要爱,因为我们还未完美,看不透自己。
爱的本质是成长,终极是超越限制,朝向无限。
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